is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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