you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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