It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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