She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
