I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
