I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
