you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
