haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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