A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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