I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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