All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
