i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
