State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
