The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
