I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
