oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
our cab driver is having phone sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is the high leading the old right now
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
