it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
