oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
