Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
