I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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