i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i believe in u and ur pee
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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