My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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