I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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