Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
