It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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