Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We are two peas in an std pod
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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