3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
