Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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