you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
