Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
