only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
