Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
