I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Someone came in the potted fern
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
