how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
