as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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