I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
