Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
