My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
