There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
