he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
