I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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