I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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