we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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