i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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