Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
