New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
