Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
