when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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