help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
