if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
